Bazaar United Methodist Church

Bazaar, Kansas

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Philippians 1:3-5a
Romans 15:13

Choosing Happiness

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel. . . Philippians 1:3-5a

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

I had an appointment early Wednesday morning this week in Olathe, so obviously I went up in time to play with the grandkids before bedtime Tuesday evening. Once they were down to sleep, Harmony, Micah and I were talking about a wide variety of subjects. I asked both of them if they are happy. Harmony said, "Yes." Micah said, "Yes, but I'd be happier if my wife was here and I had a job." I thought that was an understandable statement so I went on to remind them about when they were growing up and they were anywhere from late elementary through High School. During that time sometimes when they were whining-as all kids do-and I felt it was particularly inappropriate, this is the speech they got. "You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be unhappy, but if you're going to be unhappy go do it away from me." I asked them if they thought that that might have anything to do with their ability to be happy in their current circumstances. Initially Micah said "No, in fact I found it really frustrating at the time." But then Harmony said, "But it did help me realize that I had a choice." Micah had to concede that it was true, that even though he is frustrated by his current circumstances, he probably chooses to be happy because he learned to choose to be happy.

In many ways happiness is an art that can be learned. There are skills that lead to it which can be practiced. Positive thinking is one of those skills. But positive thinking is not a single process. According Ed Deiner, Professor of Psychology at the University of Illinois and Robert Biswas-Deiner, Program Director at the Center for Applied Positive Psychology, positive thinking requires a three-pronged approach. And since we are good Trinitarian United Methodists, we should be able to understand things that come in sets of three.

The first is attention. It is about putting positive information into your head. It has to do with "Noticing. . .good things in the social and physical environment. . ." which can change our entire outlook. Do we notice a small kindness as much as a perceived slight? Do we attend to a beautiful sunset or a brilliant and loving smile as much as we do to a cluttered room? Deiner says, "A person who develops the habit of attending to beauty, the small good works of others, and what is going right in life will enjoy a pleasant worldview."

The second prong of our approach to positive thinking has to do with interpretation. How do we interpret what happens to us? The fact is that we all "interpret objective events based on our personal values, biases, selective attention and sense of identity." Those who interpret events in the world as harsh and threatening will tend to have a negative and distrustful mindset. While those who see the world as full of promise and opportunity, are likely to have a much more positive outlook.

Optimism is something that can be learned by recognizing unhelpful thinking strategies and replacing them with more helpful ones. Some unhelpful thinking patterns you may use and can change are:
o Perfectionism-striving to be faultless rather than successful, paying too much attention to small details that go wrong rather than the big picture of what went right.
o Learned Helplessness-in which folks give up because they feel powerless to change their circumstances
o Distress Intolerance-in which people underestimate their ability to recover from a painful event.
o Awfulizing, in which people exaggerate how negative an event or a person is.
o Negative self-fulfilling expectancies-in which one draws negative responses from others by communicating that one expects a negative reaction
o Rejection goggles-which cause people to see rejections everywhere, even in normal encounters.

"The idea of interpretation is refreshing because it is one area over which we have direct control, [we] can make change[s] through effort, and can help ourselves live happier lives."

The third prong of our strategy for positive thinking, which will help lead us to a happier life, is memory. Now, granting that some of us have better memories than others, and some of us have better memories for certain things than others; this is different. Almost everybody can recall good events from their past. There is increasing evidence that recalling good times can boost our well-being. "Psychologists have begun studying "savoring," the process of active enjoyment of the present, and of using active appreciation to enjoy a past success. They ask subjects to spend some minutes reminiscing about a specific past event in a positive way. The savoring subjects report feeling happier than those in a control group. The key component to effective savoring is focused attention. By taking the time and spending the effort to appreciate the positive, people are able to experience more well-being. This research suggests that positive, people have developed the habit of taking a mental snapshot of successes as they happen, paying attention to their details and memorizing vivid images, which makes them easier to recall and enjoy later on."

We cannot control how the world works but we do have some control over our attitude toward the world. So exercising some mental control over your attitudes appears to be a good investment when it makes a difference to your happiness index. But it takes intention. It requires that we DO something to change ourselves and the way we look at life.

The triune approach of these psychologists is called the A-I-M approach. You take AIM with Attention to the positives in life. By Interpreting those things that happen in a positive or neutral light rather than a negative one. And by rehearsing those pleasurable Memories and carefully fostering new ones. Attention, Interpretation and Memory-take AIM on a positive outlook.

But that is not all we have going for us. Not at all. Because long before there were psychologists helping us learn about happiness and positive thinking, the great Creator created the natural universe, the physical world with it's natural laws and gave us the ability to know, to learn and to discover. God in his infinite wisdom, and desire to be in relationship with us, gave human beings free will so that we could make decisions. We could choose relationship with God or refuse it. If we did not have the ability to choose, to make decisions, then we would be limited and so would God. But because we are able of our own volition to make decisions, to choose what we will make of our lives, we are also able at any time in our lives to make changes in direction; especially in terms of our attitude and our happiness.

And if we don't decide for ourselves how our attitudes are going to be, who are we going to allow to decide for us? Do we really want someone else making those decisions? Or do we prefer to choose for ourselves rather than giving up the choice by default? Because, you see, we actually choose either way. Either we make the decision by our conscious choice or by failing to make a conscious choice we give that decision to others by default and we are blown about by the winds of whatever is happening at the moment.

God has made available to us everything we need. We are created in the image of God-not in the likeness of God-but in God's image, with God consciousness within us. With the Spirit of God within, we can tap into the power of God and the mind of God to help us as we are in need. The problem is; we don't accept what God has given us.

Nelson Mandela once said:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"
Actually, who are you NOT to be.
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest, on earth, the Glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

This is who we are. This is how we choose happiness. We let the light shine in us that God has given us from the beginning of time. And we put our whole selves into it; into being the happy, optimistic, loving person God has called us to be. Amen