Bazaar United Methodist Church

Bazaar, Kansas

John 18:1-19:43

Happiness in Dark Times

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. James 5:13
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:11-12
I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. Ecclesiastes 3:12

And so the disciples have reached the very worst of the worst of times. Jesus is dead. They are heartbroken; sick, lost, and confused. Most of them are hiding out, locked away afraid that they will be the next ones to be arrested. Only John waited at the cross.

All of us have faced dark times in our lives. Sometimes it is the diagnosis at other times it is the loss of a pregnancy. Sometimes it is the loss of a job or a transfer to a new city where you know no one and you take a pay cut to boot. Sometimes it is an unstable economy and the loss of your retirement funds or the death of your spouse. Whatever the loss, all of us have faced dark times.

For the disciples this was their dark time. So what do we do in dark times? How do we hang on to happiness in dark times? How do we stay upbeat and optimistic when we are facing what is, or seems to be the worst? How do we cope with the not knowing while we wait for a diagnosis?

I remember how difficult it was to wait for the pathology report to come back when Harmony had a bone tumor removed from her forehead. We had been told that it was likely benign. But the report didn't come and didn't come. Two months later we still didn't have a report. I began calling the doctor's office. Well, it seemed that the report was somehow lost at the Pathologist's office. So I called again in another month. No report. After four months I began to call every two weeks. After five months I began to call every week and finally around six months they came up with the report. It had been lost behind a filing cabinet. The tumor was, indeed, benign. Even those who end up with a negative diagnosis acknowledge that knowing is better than not knowing. How do we cope with dark times? How do we stick it out while we are waiting for the diagnosis? How do we stay upbeat and optimistic?

On Sunday we acknowledged that optimism doesn't mean you get to skip the bad stuff. Optimism has the hope and courage to look squarely at what is going on and get its measure. It means being able to acknowledge that no matter how bad something is, it is not infinitely bad because we know the One who holds eternity in his hands.

There is an important truth about pain that we must acknowledge. Pain is inevitable in all our lives. But suffering is optional. Dark times are inevitable but suffering through them is optional. Suffering is a state of mind that we choose. We can choose, just as we choose to be happy or unhappy. Most of us don't choose pain. We don't choose cancer or Parkinson's Disease, arthritis or MS or any other diagnosis. We don't choose to lose our loved one's to death but it is inevitable and emotionally painful for us. All of this woundedness takes time to heal. And some diseases will not heal. But we do not have to suffer with it or through it. We can choose life, even abundant life in the midst of our trauma; in the middle of our pain.

On Sunday we talked about Michael J. Fox and how he refuses to suffer with his Parkinson's Disease. There are other notable examples. I remember an interview years ago with James Garner. I loved him as a kid as Maverick and then as Rockford. (Yes, I realize that dates me.) He was talking about how much fun he had driving on a freeway and having someone recognize him and they'd be going berserk in the car next to him and he'd ignore them for a while and then suddenly he'd turn his head and wave and flash them a big smile. He loved it! At the same time they interviewed people he was working with to make a movie. He was dealing with terrible arthritis in his hips and knees and some days he could hardly walk. They were amazed at the way he never complained and would get to his place on the set and hand off his cane. They said you could watch the determination on his face as he prepared himself for the scene. He'd close his eyes, breathe deeply, set his shoulders, open his eyes, the director would yell "roll it" and they'd do the scene. They were amazed by his control because by the end of the day he needed a wheel chair. But he joked and laughed, was easy to work with and never complained. One of them said, "Shoot half the people we work with don't have any physical problems and complain loud and long-this water is hot, I'm cold, can't I get some help over here? Not him. He's great."

Then there's Patrick Swayze who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer late in 2007. Few people live much past six months with pancreatic cancer. But Patrick Swayze is a fighter and an optimist. He refuses to be beaten by a disease when he wants to live a full life. So he is still acting. And A & E bet on him by casting him in the leading roll in their series, "The Beast" in 2008. They are currently in production for the 2009 series. In his recent interview with Barbara Walters he admitted that probably five years was a hopeful look at a future for him. But he has not given up hope for a cure. And he is fighting every day to keep going and working and doing his best with a good attitude.

Christopher Reeve was also an example of such a person after his riding accident. Becoming a quadriplegic who needed complete care could not have been easy for him. But he learned to look outward, to help others, to be an advocate for all quadriplegics and he made a world of difference for them.

Our attitude toward pain becomes very important because it can affect how we cope with pain when it arises. Pain and loss are inevitable in life but suffering through them is not. The Dalai Lama says, "If your basic outlook is that [pain] is negative and must be avoided at all costs and in some sense is a sign of failure, this will add a distinct psychological component of anxiety and intolerance when you encounter difficult circumstances, a feeling of being overwhelmed. On the other hand, if your basic outlook accepts that [pain] is a natural part of your existence, this will undoubtedly make you more tolerant towards the adversities of life."

I have to look back on this past year at our friend Don Ayers. Don probably overdid some things. Certainly he did when it came to the float at the school reunion. But he was determined that he was going to have a good time. He knew he could drop dead at any minute. But he had a zest for life and living in the abundance of the life Christ gives us. The same is true of my clergy colleague, John Hastings, in Strong City and Elmdale. John has a zest for life. He doesn't live in the fear that he will drop dead at any minute, though he knows that the possibility for him is far higher than it is for most of us, and he will not be able to feel it if something is going on with his heart.

And, of course, recently there has been the case of Randy Pausch who wrote with Jeffrey Zaslow, The Last Lecture. He died a few months ago. In the introduction he wrote:

I have an engineering problem.

While for the most part I'm in terrific physical shape, I have ten tumors in my liver and I have only a few months left to live.

I am a father of three young children, and married to the woman of my dreams. While I could easily feel sorry for myself, that wouldn't do them, or me, any good.

So, how to spend my very limited time?

The obvious part is being with, and taking care of, my family. While I still can, I embrace every moment with them, and do the logistical things necessary to ease their path into a life without me.

The less obvious part is how to teach my children what I would have taught them over the next twenty years. They are too young now to have those conversations. All parents want to teach their children right from wrong, what we think is important, and how to deal with the challenges life will bring. We also want them to know some stories from our own lives, often as a way to teach them how to lead theirs. My desire to do that led me to give a "last lecture" at Carnegie Mellon University.

These lectures are routinely videotaped. I knew what I was doing that day. Under the ruse of giving an academic lecture, I was trying to put myself in a bottle that would one day wash up on the beach for my children. If I were a painter, I would have painted for them. If I were a musician, I would have composed music. But I am a lecturer. So I lectured.

I lectured about the joy of life, about how much I appreciated life, even with so little of my own left. I talked about honesty, integrity, gratitude, and other things I hold dear. And I tried very hard not to be boring.

This book is a way for me to continue what I began on stage. Because time is precious, and I want to spend all that I can with my kids, I asked Jeffrey Zaslow for help. Each day, I ride my bike around my neighborhood, getting exercise crucial for my health. On fifty-three long bike rides, I spoke to Jeff on my cell-phone headset. He then spent countless hours helping to turn my stories-I suppose we could call them fifty-three "lectures"-into the book that follows.

We knew right from the start: None of this is a replacement for a living parent. But engineering isn't about perfect solutions; it's about doing the best you can with limited resources.

When we are in dark times, when life seems to be dealing harshly with us, we don't always get perfect solutions. But we always look to the One who holds the future, trusting that God will see us through this time just as he has seen us through tough times in the past. And we remember that we are not alone. Others have faced hardship just as we are. Others before us have lost those they dearly love and have been able to continue on with full and abundant lives. Others have been here and can love us, and help us through if we will allow them. We don't have to hang on by the skin of our teeth. We aren't just barely hanging in there. We remember that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (Philippians 4:13 NKJ)

And we remember our tools for happiness: We focus on God and others and our intention toward others is always that of compassion. We attend to the good things that happen, we interpret life in a positive manner, and we remember good times and continue to build good memories. Even in the midst of hard times there is always something to hit your funny bone. Laughter is good for your body, soul and spirit.

Shortly after humorist Erma Bombeck died in 1996, cartoonist Bil Keane, her long-time friend and neighbor drew a special Family Circus cartoon. In it young Billy is on his knees on his bed beside his mother, clearly ready to say his prayers. But instead he looks at her and says, "I don't think God can hear me 'cause Erma Bombeck has everybody up there laughin.'" Keane commented at her funeral that Erma, who was always talking about her next diet and losing weight in her columns, would have laughed her head off knowing it took 10 men and not 6 to carry her casket. Amen.